by Stan Mitchell

"I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord" (Philippians 4:2).

Sometimes in a relationship it's a good idea to ask if this is an issue that really matters. There was once a marine master sergeant who would ask: "Is this the hill you wish to die on?"

There are times when a parent will have to put his foot down with a teenager. There are times when a spouse will have to talk about a hurtful thing the other did. But for the most part, these are issues where one demonstrates a great failure to trust the other. When church members or married partners' discussions are constantly about minor matters, things that won't make a bit of difference in eternity, then perhaps this is not the hill to die on!

Signs of this are when one parent is given a long list of the "proper" way (that would be my way, naturally) to do a thing while the other is away, or the demand to know what the other is doing, minute by minute while the other is away.

If the other person got the job done (even if it wasn't your way), wasn't that the point of the exercise in the first place?

Reasonable check-ins are one thing, but essentially micro managing the other person is an effort to control them. If you married an adult, then he (or she) does not need to be controlled. If you want your teenager to become an adult, you will have to allow him some discretion, so he will be able to learn how to do things independently, to mature. You don't have the right to control anybody.

If you must exercise controlling behavior, may I suggest self control?

by Stan Mitchell

"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver" (Proverbs 25:11).

The tall man stepped to the platform of the train, and looked at the crowd arrayed before him. His angular features reflected the gravity of the moment. He understood the importance of what he was about to say. The site was the place where thousands of men had fallen in battle, the critical moment in a bitter, heart-breaking civil war. The time had come to speak the words that would begin the healing. Conversely, the wrong words might tear the nation apart again. He had to find the right words.

He began slowly, haltingly, then began to pick up steam. The crowd listened -- it was hard to tell how they were taking it. These were relatives of the men who were killed, colleagues, the wounds still fresh and painful.

The speech ended, and the crowd sat in silence. The speaker sat down heavily, convinced he had failed. But he was wrong. The crowd had been stunned by the breadth of the dream, silenced by the eloquence of its simplicity. They were so moved they could not respond.

You know the speech. It began, oddly, with an account of how many years had passed: "Four score and seven years" earlier, their leaders had given birth to a dream. Abraham Lincoln wanted that dream to be revived. And his Gettysburg Address went a long way in accomplishing that aim.

The nation survived, and grew, and prospered. You never know the good you will do if you say the thing you need to say. "I’m sorry." "I believe in you." "Thank you." "I forgive you." You may not see immediate results, but they may occur anyway.

Think it through. Be brave. Then say what needs to be said.

by Stan Mitchell

It must not have been easy for the snails to make it to Noah's ark. Cheetahs and gazelles and practically every other creature, too, were faster than they, and they must have been in constant danger of being crushed by an elephant or hippo along the way. So how did they get on the ark?

"You know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:3,4).

One time Winston Churchill was asked, "What experience in school helped most to prepare you to lead Britain in her darkest hour?"

He thought about it for a moment, then replied: "It was the two years I spent in the same grade in high school"

"Did you fail?"

"No," Churchill replied, "I had two opportunities to get it right." What Great Britain needed in those dark days was not brilliance but persistence.

Of course Churchill was famous on another occasion for urging his listeners to "never, never, never give up." We invariably learn more by failing than by succeeding, if we are open to the lessons of failure, and if we don't give up.

Don't give up on your marriage; don't give up on your church; don't give up on God; don't give up on yourself!

So how did the snail make it on the ark? Simple. By persistence!

This is Stan's topic area, so he can post at will.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19,20). Neil Anderson recently wrote, "you win a person with what you win him with" (Gospel Advocate, September 2003). When churches "bend over backwards to cater for their children," he explains, "the young are more often alienated than won by such tactics." If people are brought to a church through a certain music or activity, for instance, then they will leave the church on the same basis; their departure will coincide pretty much exactly with the arrival of a bigger show across town, a more dramatic version of that program in a rival church, or a ratcheted up version of what brought them to church in the first place. The pressure will always be to outdo last year's production, or lose the "loyal" customer! Instead of bribing them to church, maybe we should bring them to Christ. Of course Paul declares that we have been "bought at a price," not "bought for a price!" We don't (or shouldn't) make demands on churches and on Jesus; he makes demands on us! We don't negotiate our terms of entrance into the church; he dictates them! The Lord doesn't have responsibilities to us. Everything he did - everything - was a gift he was not obliged to give! We have responsibilities to him!