by Barry Newton

Sometimes between planning who will prepare the turkey gravy and singing "Auld Lang Syne," being a peacemaker can seem like an insurmountable mountain. To scale the cliffs of conflict during this holiday season, here are a few tools which may prove beneficial.

• "What I Hear You Saying Is _____"

Have you ever been on the outside of an argument that snowballed? What typically happens? After she makes her case, then he makes his case. It is obvious to her that he did not get it. With growing emotional frustration, she states her case even more forcefully. Amazed at her deliberate stubbornness, he reiterates his position with escalating agitation. People can resist working together or genuinely considering another's viewpoint until they first feel as though they have been understood and validated. For this reason, acknowledging the other person's idea can greatly assist in working out a problem.

If we can reiterate in our own words another's perspective without denouncing it with negative words or setting it up to be attacked, typically we will gain a lot of distance on the cliff of conflict.

• "You've Got a Point"

This short phrase can be even more powerful than the previous suggestion. There is a book entitled, We Have Met the Enemy And They Are Partly Right. Many times a person does have a valid point, even if we do not agree with the whole package being presented. If we can validate their perspective, this can often provide great strides toward peaceful resolution.

• Identify the Issue and Each Person's Values

Knowing what the issue really is and why people are taking opposing positions can sometimes suggest creative solutions. If he is concerned about the money and her concern revolves around spending time with her family, then various solutions might be possible, such as: save up during the year or travel during a less expensive time of the year.

As Jesus sat down on a mountain he taught the people, "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God."

by Stan Mitchell

A businessman died suddenly and arrived at the pearly gates and was told the glad news that he could enter in. But being a good businessman, he wanted to make one last deal. "Could I," he asked, "go back to earth and bring some things up here with me?"

The Lord thought about it a moment, and then said, "Go ahead, but you can only bring what you can put in your briefcase."

So the businessman returned to earth, took his life's savings, and bought all the gold he could with it. When he returned to heaven, the Lord looked in the briefcase, and nodded his assent. "Go on in," he said. The businessman was thrilled!

Other residents of heaven came to welcome him. Proudly, he showed them the contents of his briefcase. They were all bewildered.

"What's wrong?" he demanded. "It took all of my life's savings!" "We know," they replied. "But why would you sell your life's savings ... and buy pavement?"

But do you want to know the sad part of this story? You know, of course, that we don't get to make deals with God in heaven, or anywhere else, and that we can't take anything with us.

Have you ever seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul behind it? But the worst part of this story is that our life's savings, our silver and gold, our computer equipment, cars, houses – everything – are marked HIGHLY FLAMMABLE!

"But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare" (2 Peter 3:10). When it comes time to walk the streets of gold, remember that nothing on earth could live up to what is already there!

Lord, Father, how hard it is to learn the lessons you desire so much to teach us. Jonah didn't learn much in his experience with the great fish. Did he even learn on the hillside overlooking Nineveh? How much do we cause ourselves to suffer because of our own stubbornness and self-will? Open my eyes that I might learn, that I might see as you see, think as you think. Draw me ever closer to that reality. Amen.

[From my prayerbook, 20 Sept 1991]